Find My Way Down to You by
Julian WintersMy rating:
4 of 5 starsThis was a tough one for me to rate because the first half was probably a 2.5 and I nearly DNFed (I'll explain why later) but then it got going and in the end it's a 3.5 read that I rounded up. Yes this is a paranormal romantasy sort of YA but more importantly and that's where I was hung up in the beginning, this is a book about grief. Specifically, being trapped in grief and not moving forward. Grief is tidal. Grief can be immobilizing. But grief needs to be dealt with. You can't stop living.
And August isn't interested in it. He is mired. He is exhausting. I wasn't sure how Max, his best friend, was still hanging on. Here is my issue with the beginning of the book. August is so in love with London, his high school boyfriend, that he can not move on. He doesn't want to move on. He wants to wallow. And the more we learn about his and London's relationship the more I was thinking, this ain't love. This is toxic. No, London isn't abusive. But he's a bigger personality than August. August has made London his entire world. He even gives up his music because his boyfriend decided that being a journalist would be a better career for him. Think about that for a moment. August has no personality that London didn't craft for him. He's such a people pleaser that the only thing he wants is to please London forever. He has no plans that aren't plans London has laid out for them.
This presents a problem for me. I find it hard to cheer a relationship like this. So how did it redeem itself? That was a process.
Max, August's sapphic best friend, tries to set him up with the hotter than heck guy in the pizzaria they both work in. It goes badly and upon a second encounter at a college party Max dragged him to, August follows Cary and a young woman into a fountain. Cary is a psychopomp, a ferrier of the dead and oh yeah, he's your typical romantasy moody jackass of a romantic lead. That said, he's more interesting (to me) than August.
Realizing he's in the land of the dead you can see the Orpheus and Eurydice inspiration. You can also see the Sandman and the Endless inspiration too (to the point for a moment I wondered if this wasn't originally Sandman fanfic with the fandom filed off). Carys is only one of the Deathless. His family includes his brother Melos who weighs the souls and decides their fates, Henri the traveler, Poppi dreams and nightmares etc.
The afterlife is well imagined, again pulling from Greco-Roman myths. Naturally August wants to find London. And to be fair to August, he's carting around guilt over London's death because of the situation (it takes a while to fully see why he has all this guilt so I don't want to spoil it)
But naturally, as it says in the blurb, August feels attracted to Cary (which I wanted more of to really buy into it).
So what turned me around? Other characters (including Cary and one surprise one) also have my reservations about August and London's relationship and how August lost himself within it. So we're not getting this not-that-healthy relationship being touted as a great one because I dislike seeing that in books aimed at teens. August addresses some of his issues and gets a more healthy outlook and that is what salvaged some of this for me.
The ending is interesting. At the end of the day, I liked the book and Cary's life in particular.
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